How long do you have to talk to a girl like Sara before asking her out?

Your question to me is: How long do you usually talk to someone before going on a date?

I have talked to people for years and never gone on a date with them.

I have made first Contact and then had dinner with the person that evening.

Let’s evaluate this technique:

What I have found is that the longer the communication before first meeting, usually, the longer the relationship lasts.

This doesn’t mean that I intentionally hold people off, or withhold personal information… What I have found is that not rushing it, not pushing for a face-to-face as soon as possible, increases the length of the relationship. Also, guys usually like to feel that they are in control. At least, up front. Let them feel comfortable with how the relationship is developing. Let them suggest going out. As events move along, some guys feel free to take the lead towards moving to intimacy. Other guys are very aware of how vulnerable they are to later accusations of Date Rape or assault… and they will wait, and wait, and wait- until the girl makes the first move. It could be as innocent as a kiss on the cheek, but that gives the guy the go-ahead, then they proceed.

The trends that I have noticed are: if anybody is in a rush, this is not a good sign. Either they do not feel whole by themselves. Or, They are not self-sufficient. Or, They are not emotionally stable. Or, They feel that they Need a Relationship, and just about Anybody Will Do.

I don’t know about you, but I definitely do not want to be a You’ll Do.

People that are willing to take their time and establish rapport have more than an idea of what they want, what they’re looking for, and they’re usually willing to wait for it.

When I was meeting people online, I would often talk to them for several weeks electronically before we had voice communication. A phone conversation, which opened the relationship to real-time voice communication, was usually soon followed by a date. If both people have represented themselves honestly, there was usually a second date. I hope this is helpful to you.

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Comments are always welcomed.

I don’t mean to be elusive. I haven’t had a formula that I followed. Guys are unique to themselves & I’ve been at different places with my expectations, and at varying stages in my growth.

Depends on what you consider a “date…”

My definition of a “date” is a shared expectation of a specific future meeting time. Hence the term “date.”

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone to spend more time with you, even on a few moments acquaintance. Initial meetings are often based on informal or non-committal requests, so that the person is free to either show or not show further interest in conversation.

Some examples:

Will you be here again (tomorrow/next week)?

Do you want to (random non-exclusive opportunity to talk) some (specific) time?

I’ll be here, (or somewhere specific) tomorrow. Will I see you then?

And then there’s the whole “stalker mentality” thing to consider…

It is NOT reasonable, or cool, to ask or expect someone you have just met to meet with you in a way that is in any way private unless they have known you for a bit, first.

Let’s evaluate this technique:

This is just prudent caution on meeting strangers.

So any date that involves being alone with you in a non-public way, including in a car in transit, is probably not something you should ask about or expect a positive response to. The subtext would read as “Can we be somewhere alone, even though I just met you?”

And then there is always the possibility of groups…

You could continue a promising acquaintance by inviting someone to join a group, some of whom they do know better.

E.g. – We were thinking of heading over to Starbucks… Would you like to meet us/join us?

All of these are perfectly honest and (hopefully) trustworthy ways of communicating an intention to get to know the person (presumably by further conversation) better.

Anything more intense than that is stalkerish, and probably not cool.

Last but not least, there is the totally non-committal option of…